Friday, May 13, 2005

I have no intention to write all these down into here but since it has been pointed out and talked abt in the blogs and email, i felt the need to do so and not hold back anymore. The more i keep it to myself and not voice out abt it, the more frustrated i feel. Whatever i am going to say in here is in general. I'm not targetting anyone. I am just going to let my thoughts be written down in words here. (I may leave some things out and it is going to be a long entry)

Divisions in the ym. Joy and unity are absent. The fire is disappearing. Purpose of staying in ym is fading. Feeling of leaving is starting to set in or even at the verge of it. All these signs only make one thing truely visible, ym is falling. Do we just leave it here in this final conclusion, sit back and not do anything? Anyway, it's God's will for ym. So no matter what we do, it will still happen. It is pointless in taking any actions. Do we feel that way?

Frankly speaking, yes i do feel that way. I feel like not doing anything else but just carrying out the 'orders' of the leaders and my duties. During worship, i don't even feel like begin part of it with the others. You may say that it shouldn't be this way. Worship is a time between God and myself. If it is so, then why do we gather together for a time of praise and worship? I may as well stay at home. I can still worship Him the same. Everytime during worship, i don't feel the joy, the spirit of hunger and thirst. I am watching 'dead' youths standing there, eyes on the screen, lips moving and clapping slaggishly. Is it suppose to be this way? Taken frm jere's blog:"when we express ourselves, our love to God, it's surely not just standing there arms folded and stuff. but its natural like rev beat said...anyone in right mind wun worship their God standing there watching. there's an expectation...to connect and for God to move...something must change!!!!" Do the youths come with expectation that something will happen? This may be the reason of the differences we see between the worship in church and outside such as camps and events.

How abt unity? How does it come abt? For me, unity comes frm fellowship. In this world, fellowship usually refers to a time of fun, food and chit-chats. But real fellowship goes beyond that. It is experiencing life together, helping one another, building each other up, sharing each other's troubles and encouraging one another. All these can be achieved when we love one another. In John 13:34-35,"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

Now coming to the pt of leaving, i will not deny that i also do feel like leaving. Why do we feel that way? No more fire? Left-out? Worn-out, tired and dry? Purpose of staying on is zilch? Friends leave i also leave? Our reason may be one of these. How abt seeing this from two different categories, youths and sgls? For youths, most of them probably and mainly come because of friends and duties. And when they start to leave, it is either because of friends or feeling left-out. As we can see from here, their purpose of coming is not..erm..how to put it..totally right? Somewhere around there i guess as one of my reasons of staying on in ym is also because of friends. For sgls, most of them also stay on mainly because of their responsibilities, committment and friends. But then, they start to have the sense of dryness, feel disappointed, no more purpose in staying and totally tired. In other words, maybe it is tahan until cannot tahan already. Hmm..does it sound right? You get the idea can already.

But coming back to the top of everything, why did we become sgls in the first place? To fit in? Peers? To feel a sense of importance? To serve God? To want to try to make a difference through a small grp? And when ideals are not met and fire disappears, we feel like giving up and leaving as we no longer have the purpose of staying on. Some of these do apply to me. But why do i stay on begin an sgl? Yes, i agree that it is because of friends in ym but then, the main reason came drawning to me. It is because of my small grp. Their smiles during small grp sessions, seeing them grow in the Lord and their sharing make everything worth it. I am accountable to them to God and they are beginning to open up. If i leave, how wld they feel? What i am trying to say here is although we may not feel important in ym, we may be important to others even though they may not say. We can each make a difference in one way another especially begin a sgl although it may not be a big one. Some of us may even not realise that we are a great influence and can make a greater difference in ym. It is whether we want to or not. If we as sgls leave, what keep our members leaving as well. Are we not suppose to be examples for them to follow and look up to?

Let us give it some thought. If we individually feel like leaving, what abt the leaders in ym com? Don't they feel the same way we do? So what keep them from leaving ym? They also know what're happening in ym but why do they keep trying their best in making a difference? I do not want to keep elaborating abt all these but those of you who has the Purpose Driven Life book, do read up Day 15-21. I find these chapters very related to our current situation now.

That's all i want to say. If i continue on, this entry will be a really long one. I am going to leave you with a sentence frm the book itself. Only the Holy Spirit can create real fellowship between believers, but he cultivates it with the choices and commitments we make.

Dre@my JeSs Life Written @ 5:43 AM